


Time, Where Did You Go

by JaneSkylark



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Post Bartlett Administration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-11-03
Updated: 2003-11-03
Packaged: 2019-05-15 22:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14799128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneSkylark/pseuds/JaneSkylark
Summary: WW: Donna's thoughts on leaving The White House. One-shot.





	Time, Where Did You Go

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

> _Time, where did you go?_  
>  Why did you leave me here alone?   
>  Wait, don’t go so fast  
>  I’m missing the moments as they pass

“Do you need help?” I asked while watching him struggle with the thick fabric.

I sigh and say, “Yeah. Thanks.”

“8 years...”

“I know,” he grinned, “I know and I still can’t tie a damn tie.”

“It’s almost over.”

More quietly he whispers, “Yeah.” He takes my hand, rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. 8 years and I know what’s about to pass through his lips and I close my eyes, “It is over.”

I sigh again and whisper, “Yeah, it is.”

**********

> Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer  
>  So wait for me this time  
>  I’m down I’m down on my knees I’m begging for all your sympathy  
>  But you (I’m just an illusion) you don’t seem to care (I wish that I could)

My desk has been packed up for over an hour but I have yet to vacate my seat. I just sit, stare and remember. All that’s left is a tiny card in my hand. It was from over 10 months ago but I kept it anyway. Josh had scribbled a quick note to say thank you for hauling myself all over D.C. to find the perfect gift for his mother.

> Thanks, Donna. You’re one in a million. - Josh

I sigh every time I read it.

Her name is Linda. She’s a short brunette with an Arkansas accent. She has one blue and one brown eye. I guess that makes her one in eight million. It’s hard to picture her at my desk. With her files, her index cards and her hand lotion just scattered across it. I wonder if she’ll bring Paul coffee. Paul...Paul Ryder, Deputy Chief of Staff...it has a strange ring. It doesn’t flow off my tongue like Josh Lyman does. I wonder if they’ll do as much good as we had. I wonder if these walls will continue to be filled with bantering.

When I first met her I thought about the special bond that we’d share simply because of a job. She’ll know what it’s like to work long hours and have little to no social life for at least 4 years. She’ll know what it feels like to have to pick up all the pieces and hold him together with her hands. Yeah she’ll know and four years down the road we’re gonna have a hell of a time sharing stories. I didn’t want to give her all the horrors about the job so early on so I’ll wait my turn. But she really should have something. I grab a piece of my stationary and scribble a brief note.

> _Linda ~_
> 
> _I hope this note finds you doing well and that Paul doesn’t have you running all over the White House, yet. I have just a few parting words of advice (things I had to learn the hard way), take them for what you will. Always keep an extra pair of hose in your desk, your bag or on you in some form. That goes the same for Paul well not the hose but keep an extra shirt and tie in ~~Josh’s~~  Paul’s office. Old habits die-hard. Index cards, highlighters and paper clips will be the equivalent to gold. Turn off your cell phone and pager only if you want to be fired the next day.  I guess I just want to say that this will be your life for the next four years and...you’re going to love it. It’ll be hard but worth it._
> 
> _There are going to be days when you could fly to the moon and there are going to be days when you crash to the floor but most importantly there will be days. If you should ever get news...you know the kind of news that blindsides you, makes you fall to your knees just know that I’ve been there too._
> 
> _Never bring him coffee._
> 
> _Do good,_
> 
> _Donna_

I quickly sealed the letter and placed it in the top drawer of my old desk. It would be the last thing that I’d ever put in it.

*******

> You humble people everywhere (I don’t mean to hurt you)  
>  Now I’ve looked in the mirror and the worlds getting clearer  
>  I’ll take what you give me. please know that I’m learning  
>  So wait for me this time

Everyone has assembled in and around the Oval office, each knowing that after tonight it’ll be over. We’ll say goodbye and there will be hugs and tears and many will go in different directions. I feel absolutely blue compared to Josh who is for some strange reason on cloud nine. He knows what he’s done here and it’s been good. I guess to him it’s not about saying goodbye but moving on with his future, his future.

I was ready to start at American University next week but I’ve decided to forgo it. No, not definitely I want my degree but I have decided that I need a break.  I haven’t told Josh yet. It’s not like I’m keeping a huge secret from him I actually made the decision and arrangements yesterday. I’m going to go home to Wisconsin and then travel on what little savings that I have. I need to be away for a while. Put myself back together and remember the good words and forget the bad. I’m going to relax, sleep and dream.

Josh is off to visit his mom for two weeks and then he starts work with a senator from Virginia. He met Jacobs at a banquet over a year ago. Josh was quite taken with him well as much as a guy can be with another guy. He told me, “Donna, this guy is for real. He’s going to be good. Well he will be once I get him started.” But I won’t be his assistant anymore.

He called me into his office back in November shortly after Hall won the election. I remember thinking how he’d probably called me in to talk strategy about the remaining weeks. I sat in my visitor’s chair patiently when he surprised me. Instead of sitting in his seat across the desk from me he sat in the second visitor’s chair. I’d be lying to say that I wasn’t jittery and expectant perhaps this was something.

_“I’m not going to ask you to be my assistant.”_

_It wasn’t too much of a surprise that I knew what he was referring to and laughed, “What are you going to do order me? Or even better beg me? Gosh Josh without me how will you find your way out of your new office?” I stopped as he took my hand. It was perfect until I looked at face._

_“You won’t follow me. I won’t let you.” His words struck me as odd. Had he thought I was following him all along...had I been? “I want you to do what you need to do. Go back to school or open a shop. I don’t care just do whatever it is that makes you happy. I need to know that you can be yourself and that you can be strong without me to lead you.”_

_Lead me? Was I dog? Had he felt obligated to take care of me for 9 years? I sat dumfounded and embarrassed so I lied. “Josh, I hadn’t planned on it. I sort of...I’ve all ready made some plans.” Okay it wasn’t a complete fabrication just a large embellishment. I had made some tentative plans. I had been looking at colleges in the area. I just had assumed I would take classes while working for Josh and this freshman senator._

_“Oh,” he seemed surprised. His mouth flapping up and shut. Perhaps I had said the wrong thing. Maybe, he had wanted me to beg him for my job. Maybe, I was supposed to say something different all together._

_********_

> I should’ve known better  
>  I shouldn’t have wasted those days  
>  And afternoons and mornings  
>  I threw them all away  
>  Now this is my time  
>  I’m going to make this moment mine.

“Donna! Where’s my...”

“I packed it,” I replied as I continued to fold clothes and place them in his suitcase. Josh’s flight left that evening and I still hadn’t told him. I sat on his bed contemplating the words that wouldn’t come. It wasn’t so much that I was afraid of him being upset that I hadn’t told him or how it would affect him. I was more concerned that he might be indifferent to it. He might not care. 

“Hey are you okay?” Josh asked from the doorway. His forehead was creased like he couldn’t decide if it was me he was looking at.

I looked up at him, slowly nodded and spoke, “I’m going to Wisconsin tomorrow.”

Josh paused and then moved forward, “Wow really? Why didn’t you mention something? Not much time see your family before your classes start though.”

I held his gaze and he stared back questioningly, “I’m not starting classes.”

He sat down beside me, “What?”

I turned toward him and brought my legs up on the bed and drew a deep breath, “I need a break,” I choked thinking I would laugh instead. I was surprised by the tears threatening to spill.  I backed away and he moved closer. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

His arms wrapped around me and he stroked my hair and while cried. I must have been exhausted emotionally. The stress of the last few weeks, filling out college forms, cleaning my desk, packing my things and not being Josh’s assistant it had encompassed me. After a few minutes of silence I backed out of his embrace and reached for tissues on the nightstand. Although his hand was still on my wrist, restricting me.

“Do you want to tell me what that was about?” He looked on concerned.

I shrugged him off, “Oh you know emotional stuff.”

“Donna,” oh god the way he said it. I want to cry again.

“Donna,” he says it again and I start to cry, “Donnatella, you tell me what this is about right now.”

“Leaving the White House...”

“Oh don’t give me that line. A few tears I can understand but you’ve been depressed for weeks and now...” he trailed off not sure about what was happening now.

“Leaving...” I heard his exasperated sigh so I continued with the truth, “you. Leaving you.”

“Donna, you’re an intelligent and amazingly strong woman. You’ll be fine. I understand that you’re nervous about going back to school. Who wouldn’t be? But you’re going to be fine. I promise,” he laughed, “you don’t need me as your security blanket.”

I shake my head, “no you don’t understand. It’s not leaving the White House. It’s not leaving the job. It’s leaving you,” I place my hand on his heart willing him to hear the words I can’t say. We’re so close now please don’t back away I pray.

Josh looks bewildered as he covers my hand with his own. “I won’t be that guy Donna. You’ve followed guys. I won’t be Dr. Freeride. I refuse to let you give up your dreams because of me,” he squeezed my fingers for emphasis of his adamancy.

“Why do you think that being with you means I have to give up my dreams? There’s a big difference between you and him. You’d never ask me to give up anything.” I choked out.

He wiped a tear that was running down my cheek, “what do you want Donna?”

“I want to get my degree and I want you beside me when I do it.”

He took my hand to his mouth and kissed my fingers. “I’ll always be beside you.”

  
(I shouldn’t have wasted those days)  
I’ll take what you give me.

> Please know that I’m learning  
>  I’ve looked in the mirror  
>  My world’s getting clearer  
>  So wait for me this time

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was a song fic. The song used is Time, Where Did You Go by Chantal Kreviazuk.


End file.
